Sometimes making a decision, is so hard.
Today I’m faced with a quandary. An opportunity, a big step filled with obligation and responsibility, a big decision that will forever impact and change my life. There’s no safety net no cushion just a huge leap of faith, a free fall. I’m standing on the precipice looking over the edge. I can see clearly all the possibilities the picture and in it’s shadow the reflection of every fear, doubt and what if.
I’ve been looking to make a change but this one is huge, way bigger than my comfort zone, so much bigger than …. My small image of myself.
I am being called to be of service to expand and invest in a business that is community based which is a far cry from the comfortable calculable world that I’m so good at, that’s been so good to me and is dependable.
Is this my ego speaking — a whim or a spiritual calling?
Yesterday I was excited, driven… on fire. Today, I’m rooted to the spot, stuck in my head, pen in hand, contract in negotiation, petrified. Too scared to move, too numb to think, yet overthinking and throwing negative fuel to put out a positive fire. I’m exhausted and I’ve done nothing other than think.
What do I do? Nothing? Something? Everything? The fork in the road is looming, the bow is drawn the target in sight. All I have to do is hold my breath and let go. I’ve been holding my breath all day. Maybe I have to just let go and breath?
Why are some us blessed with talents and gifts that at times feel like a burden? What happens when fear stands between me and my talents, my God given gifts and using them? What happens if the fear of change wins and my comfort zone becomes my shackle, my prison? What happens if my fear is greater than my hope and my faith?
Why me? So many can’t but I can, that’s humbling…the responsibility overwhelming, the gift precious. Where’s tmy gratitude? The thank you for being blessed? I suppose the question really is why not me and if not now then when? Do I keep looking backwards or make that leap and move forward or maybe just leap, free fall and see which direction I flow through? I wish I had a hand to hold or a safety net to land on or at least a cushion for my arse if it scrapes along the floor.
